Posted by: pamblizzard on: February 28, 2012
I have a lot of respect for the Duggar family. They live a life they believe in and appear to be successful at it. I am equally glad (actually more so) that I do not believe that I am a horrible sinner for not living their type of life. Now, I don’t get the impression that the Duggar family is condemning those of us who don’t do as they do; but, the bible can be interpreted in a way that would do just that. What if the Duggar’s family was not just a group of reality TV stars wanting to share their lifestyle but was instead a strong political force? What if their religious beliefs and practices were forced on to us by political laws? How would we feel about the separation of Church and State then? It is my understanding that this type of situation is the very reason our country was established in a way that kept religion out of our political laws.
Things like morals and goodness should be factors in the laws of our country and they are also values that are the backbone of the laws stated in the bible. No one can say that these things are not needed but, what should not be a factor in determining our Country’s laws is a specific religion’s interpretation of these values at the expense of the values of others.
Let’s look at the Duggar family again. Imagine them being a powerful political family who believes that their lifestyle is the only true lifestyle that is moral and good. Then, let’s imagine one of them becoming the leader of our country and deciding that the only way to save the nation is to follow their beliefs. There are a lot of them, and so imagine them filling leadership roles with their family members and friends who all belief just as they do. Eventually they could become so strong that their numbers could change our laws to fit their specific beliefs.
There are probably some of you reading this who would feel like this is a good thing. Certainly, the Duggars seem like very nice people. That being said, would we really want to be forced to live their type of life? Or for that matter, would we want to be forced to follow the dictates of everything written in the bible?
There is a passage in the bible that says that women should never dress like a man. The women and girls of the Duggar family always wear dresses or skirts. They are therefore following that biblical command. There is a passage in the bible that states that women should always cover their heads. Now this could be interpreted to mean that women should always wear a scarf, hat, or simply always keep their hair long. The women and girls in the Duggar family seem to all have long hair. The bible states that children are a gift from God (they are) but it also implies that couples should strive to have as many children as possible. Once again, the Duggar family has followed the Bible to a “T”. The Bible condemns sinners and commands that Christians stay away from them. The Duggar family home school all their children and limits access to social devices that would expose them to things that could be considered “sinfulness.” Without a doubt, the Duggars are a very religious group. They live in a country that allow them to live the way they do. Would the rest of us want to live in a country that wouldn’t allow any other type of lifestyle?
How many women out there believe that wearing a pair of pants is a sin? How many of us would gladly give that right up? What if we couldn’t cut our hair? It would save us a lot of money but what if long hair isn’t attractive on us? Would we be willing to give short hair up as an option? What if having sex was a sin unless it was for the express purpose of procreation? (There are passages in the Bible that could be interpreted as saying exactly that.) How many of you, men or women, would be willing to give up sex except for when you are actively trying to have a child or, the women is already pregnant? If a married couple can’t afford a child should they simply not have sex (or only have it when they know the wife isn’t ovulating and if you can’t afford a child, can you afford that method?)
There was a reason that the founding fathers of our country wanted to keep “church and state” separate. They knew that people believed different things, and wanted to make them all feel like they had the right to pursue their own life style.
Politicians have the right to practice whatever religion they choose. Their religious beliefs will undoubtably affect the laws they push for, that is almost unavoidable, but those same religious beliefs can not be the only deciding factor in the laws of a free country like ours.
In recent weeks I have heard so many things that have prompted me to write this; political arguments about birth control, abortion, and homosexuality to name a few. I’ve heard politicians attribute comments from their rivals out of context for the express purpose of making their rivals seem “Godless.” No one should want to have religion be a factor in politics because there could come a time when “their” religion wouldn’t be the selected factor. Freedom of religion depends on religion NOT being a part of our government.
Posted by: pamblizzard on: September 9, 2011
I think we all know that men and women are different in many ways; think Venus and Mars. Some of these differences benefit Homo sapiens. Women can find small items hidden in a crowded drawer, men can not. Men can carry heavy objects, women not so much. Unfortunately some of those differences seem to undermine the human race. Women love to talk about their problems, men don’t enjoy just listening (they actually think we want a solution!) Men think the day’s work is over as soon as they leave their jobs, women think the day’s work is over when they get into bed. Men think that sex is a staple, women think that it’s a bonus. Now this last alone may not sound like such a bad thing; but just keep reading.
The differences in how we perceive sex and our sexual needs can turn a long-term relationship into a train wreck but it doesn’t have to. We need to admit our differences and accept them. Women need to accept the fact that sex is a determining factor in a man’s quality of life; and men need to always remember the phrase: “A happy wife is a happy life.”
Posted by: pamblizzard on: August 31, 2011
I am 53 years old, I think (my memory is going so I may actually be 54,) and I’ve lost my dreams. Seriously, what is left to look forward to; menopause? Speaking of menopause; it doesn’t feel like any type of “pause” when you’re in the middle of it. Once, years ago I foolishly looked forward to it; No more cramping, periods, leaks and mishaps. Oh, and let’s not forget mood swings. Actually you can’t forget them because they hit like a vengeance during menopause. Life is a series of stages and I sure as hell hope this is one of them since a stage will eventually end.
So far eating at the Denny’s near our home (and a huge retirement area) is the only thing giving me hope that I will get through this stage. My husband and I are usually the youngest people in there. This in itself doesn’t give me hope, it’s the old (that definition changes a lot now) patrons sharing the space with us that does. I especially love it when the Bingo crowd comes in, and they’re never alone. They always seem to be in a good mood. I’m not sure what it is about Bingo but apparently it’s one of the times when having your number called is cause for excessive joy. These “older” groups come in laughing and talking as if their lives are full of excitement. The other day there were even a few couples that expounded on the quality of beers, and which ones they should order. I didn’t even know they served beer at Denny’s. On another visit to Denny’s we were gifted with a minstrel show. This old guy came in wearing what can best be described as a Jimmy Buffett outfit, including the hat. All the waiters and waitresses knew him by name and called out to him in a way that made it clear this was a regular. Oh, and I forgot, he was also carrying his guitar. After cacophony of excited hellos, he began to walk around playing his guitar and singing. I want to be him if I manage to get through this stage!
Unfortunately it’s not all uplifting at Denny’s. Just the other day, there was a grumpy old man who came in and sat alone. He sat right in the middle of the dining area and it seemed that nothing could lift up his mood! First, he ordered a meal and it came with something he didn’t expect. The argument with his waiter that issued was like watching a teenager, who thinks he knows everything, throwing a fit when he doesn’t get what he wants. This is a dire sign.
You’ve probably heard the saying that the children become the parents of their aging relatives. If this is true, and we revert to our childhood in old age, do we also have to live through our teens again? Follow along here. If, we compare the “old” patrons at Denny’s, a disturbing revelation can be deduced. First, you have the wild kids. They come in making a scene, laughing and talking and ordering their beer! They’re the partiers who go out dancing, gambling, and in general love themselves. These can easily be compared to the cheerleaders, football players, and “popular” kids we knew as teens. Then there are the grumpy loners. These are the teens that didn’t fit in, became bullies or bullied, or (maybe even worse) simply disappeared.
If any of this is true, I hope that my “new teen” years are better than my previous ones. If nothing else, I hope I still have a friend willing to commiserate with me.
Posted by: pamblizzard on: May 27, 2010
* Note: my husband tells me that this sounds “preachy.” He’s probably right so I apologize ahead of time. It wasn’t intended.
There comes a time in parenting when it seems like nothing you say gets beyond the earlobe of your kids. That’s right, I’m talking about the teenage years. Suddenly the child, who you’ve been molding and pushing to go in the right direction, decides they’re fully formed. You as a parent immediately go from the person who knows everything to the person who doesn’t have a clue. You go from always being right, to always saying the stupidest things. You go from the person they always want by their side to the person they’re embarrassed to be seen with. It’s a tough stage in both your live’s and the likelihood of avoiding it is about as good as me winning last night’s lottery (Hey, you can still hope.) So, it’s important for you to teach your kids as many important lessons while they still listen. That’s the reason for this blog. You’ve got to teach your kids the critical teenage lessons, long before they reach the teenage years, while you’re still their ultimate source of information. Here are just a few examples:
1. This is a big one: You’re driving in your car with your young children. You see an idiot driving like he’s/she’s an Indy driver. This is the perfect time to say something like the following:
“That poor guy/girl is willing to give up their entire future just because they think driving is a game!”
You can, and should, use this same type of line every time you see someone do something stupid while driving.
2. Another good one: You see a young person with one of those big holes in their ears from piercing. You could say something like this:
“That poor thing, he doesn’t realize how much that is going to hold him back in life! He’ll lose the chance to get to know so many people just because his first impression turns them off .”
3. And yet another one: You see a young person with a huge tattoo. Here’s your chance to say:
“Wow, I sure hope they don’t decide they don’t like that pictures! Just imagine how bad it will be to suffer through having it removed!”
4. Oh, and one of my personal pet peeves: You see a young man with his pants “sagging” five inches below his underwear. This is the perfect time to say:
“That poor kid, he can’t see that wearing his pants like that just makes him look short and stumpy!” Oh, and if he’s wearing a huge oversize shirt you can even add: “Doesn’t he realize how chubby that makes him look? Poor thing!”
*NOTE: Please notice the words “poor things” use these words often when referring to stupid teenage behavior. This lets your young children realize that you’re not angry about what you see. (Making an adult angry seems to be something teenagers strive for.)
Examples like these can be pretty effective when used with younger children, and should be used as many times as possible, since in a few years, those same precious children may be the ones you feel sorry for.
** I would love your comments on how you’re preparing, or have prepared, for the teenage years. **
Posted by: pamblizzard on: May 24, 2010
I was just playing Vegas Solitaire and had an epiphany. You see, in Vegas Solitaire, you only get to go through the deck three times before the game is over. I’d gone through two times and knew that I had lost. Instead of quitting though, I decided to play that last round and with the turn of one card was able to win the game. That’s where the epiphany hit me. The longevity of my marriage can be explained by my decision to play that last round.
I was immediately attracted to my husband the first time I saw him. After a year long romance he proposed and we were married. The wedding was beautiful. Our first apartment together was perfect. I can even remember driving down the street, and thinking how lucky I was. We bought our first home and had our first baby, a beautiful baby girl who started sleeping through the night at 3 months old, and very seldom ever cried or got fussy. Life was so… good. Then, I had my second child two months premature, my mother died unexpectedly the week I brought my son home after a long stay in the hospital, my best friend moved away, and everything changed.
I was stressed all the time. My son had to wear a heart monitor. I had two babies in diapers. My mother was so angry with me the day she died that she hung up on me during our last phone call. Nothing was going good. My life had completely changed but my husband’s had remained the same. He worked long hours and when he got off, he would go hang out with the people he worked with to wind down. He continued to play tennis every weekend when he was off. He expected sex as often as we had it before we had children. He didn’t see me as the stressed out mother, except when I complained and whined about things in my life, and I did plenty of that! I began to feel more anger towards him than I felt love for him and he decided that the less time he spent with me, the happier he would be. Our marriage was a disaster and I couldn’t see it ever getting any better! Fortunately, we decided to play the extra hand instead of getting a divorce (which we were definitely heading towards.)
You have stages in a marriage and this was a seriously crappy one! But, it was a stage, and stages don’t last forever (thank God) and somehow we stayed married through it even though it seemed to take years. The next stage was totally different. Our children were older and my time wasn’t always in demand. My husband began to interact with both children in a way that amazed me. I developed new friends, and eventually was able to forgive my mother and myself. A new stage in our life had begun and we weren’t blissfully happy, but we were definitely surviving.
My husband and I are now in our 50′s. Our children are grown and both in college. We are living in a beautiful house (not fancy but great for us.) We have 3 horses, 3 dogs, and 3 cats, so it’s sometimes a zoo here. It’s perfect! Last week we went on a week long vacation together to Daytona Beach. We went to Bubba Gumps for dinner one night while we were there and afterwords, my husband told me that I looked stunning. He said that the light hitting my face showed how beautiful I was (I am 52 years old, 30 lbs overweight and usually feel anything but stunning.) I am so glad that we forced our way though those terrible stages. No one out there could make me happier.
Hey, if you have a similar story please share it in a comment. Marriage is worth fighting for!
Posted by: pamblizzard on: May 16, 2010
The following is my observations of the typical bully and those they bully. There are exceptions of course.
Bullying seems to be getting way out of hand. I don’t remember it being so bad when I was growing up. Then again, I was one of those kids who seemed to fade into the woodwork. Anyway, my personal experience with bullying is limited, but my observations of it are not. I taught, and worked with middle school students for years, and I saw first hand both bullies and those they bullied. Those observations led me to several conclusions about the motivation to bully, the effect of bullying, and more importantly, a way of limiting the bullies effectiveness.
First off, let me explain that I am a very analytical person. I try to make a judgment only after careful consideration. That being said, here are some of my conclusions, and observations:
Observation: Bullies behave the way they do because they “get” something in return. What they get is a sense of power. It makes them feel strong, tough, and better than the person they are bullying.
Conclusion: The bully is not really tough, powerful, or strong. If they were, they wouldn’t have to “use” others to make them feel that way. Instead, the bully is weak, insecure, and constantly trying to prove something. A truly powerful person wouldn’t need to be a bully.
Observation: Bullies pick on people who give them (the bullies) what they want. This does not mean that the bullied are at fault, just that their reaction encourages the bully to continue the harassment.
Conclusion: A bully is desperate for someone to make them feel good (strong) about themselves. Therefore, the bigger their target’s reaction, the more gratification they feel.
Observation: Being a bully is usually a learned behavior. The bully has been made to feel week, inferior, or powerless by someone in their lives. In order to combat that feeling, they try to turn the table on someone else.
Conclusion: Bullies are really pretty sad figures. They do not have the internal confidence to feel good about themselves. Instead, they have to depend on others’ reactions.
That last statement may be the most important I make in this blog. The bully isn’t looking for a fight, instead, he or she is counting on making someone feel bad, angry, or hurt, and this is gratifying to the bully. The more the bullied is hurt, the better the bully feels. They aren’t trying to get into a fight, they just want to feel in control of someone else’s feelings.
One of the things I did in my classroom is role play being bullied. I picked the toughest kid in my class, and had him or her purposely say something ugly about me. My first reactions was to appear angry and hurt. I even grabbed the kids and pretended to push him or her. We then discussed my reaction and their consequences (I could get fired for “hurting” a student.) We talked about what the “bully” was trying to get me to do, and how my actions encouraged even more bullying. Then, I had the student say the same ugly thing to me. This time, I took control. I either ignored the comment, or turned it into something positive for me.
I did another thing in my class room when I saw a bully trying to pick on a student. I gave the bully attention that he didn’t want by letting him know that I understood his feelings of insecurity and his need to compensate for that. I showed him pity and that’s the last thing a bully wants. It undermines the entire purpose of bullying.
Finally, I wish that all bullies could be made to understand that being a bully is a sign of weakness, not strength. And, even more important, that those that are bullied would realize that the bully is a sad pathetic person who can’t feel good about themselves unless they hurt others. That’s a pretty sad way to live.
One final note. There was a middle school that had a lot of their students anonymously list the bullies they encountered. The names that showed up the most, were made public to the students. The mother of one of the kids listed as a bully was upset that her child was being “victimized” by the list. Not once did she mention concern about her child being on the list in the first place!
What do you think?
Posted by: pamblizzard on: April 29, 2010
One of my daughter’s projects in second grade was to research and create a family tree. I of course had to help her since she was only in second grade, and it was a project that I actually looked forward to helping her with. I’m sure you’ve heard the term “ignorance is bliss.” Well, I was about to find out just how true that was because our family tree looks like a telephone pole: it only branches off at the top!
First off I called my Granny. When I asked her about her family, she immediately told me that her family did not want her to marry Poppy (my grandfather.)
“Why?” I asked innocently.
“Well” she explained “we were cousins.”
What?!! They were cousins, and even in the 1920′s marrying your cousin was frowned upon. (Oh, and this was SOUTH ALABAMA. I’m surprised it was even considered a problem!) I went on to find out that her family was really concerned about my father when he was younger since he didn’t walk until he was two years old, and only when he was holding a string being held by someone else. Apparently, if the person “walking” with him dropped the string, he would immediately fall to the ground. Oh, and then there was the problem with him starting school, since he hadn’t started to TALK yet! We’re talking a seriously muddy gene pool!
Next, I called my husband’s maternal grandmother Judy. Now Judy was a character. Most of her grandchildren were afraid of her and rightfully so! For some reason she and I got along just great though. Anyway, back to my quest. I asked her about her mother and father.
“I ain’t got no father.” She replied.
“Now Judy” I responded, “Everyone has a father.”
“Well, there was speculation.” she admitted. (At this point I didn’t know whether to laugh of cry.)
“What kind of speculation?” I asked.
“Well, my mother was in love with a man and he loved her, but he got her sister pregnant and so he married her sister.”
“Okay,” I cautiously replied waiting for her to continue.
“The talk was that he got my mother pregnant too.” (Actually it happened at least twice since Judy had a brother!)
“So, you’re saying that your father was your uncle.”
“That’s what they say.” She replied.
I should have stopped right there, but no, I just had to know more!
“Okay,” I continued, “what about your grandparents? What were their names?”
“Well, my grandfather’s name was (I’m making up the first names here because I can’t remember them. You’ll understand why in a minute.) Toby Noe, and my grandmother’s name was Mary Noe.” I, of course, thought she was giving me their married names so I asked;
“What was your grandmother’s maiden name?”
Her reply (if you haven’t already guessed it) was “Why, it was Noe too.”
God! Why couldn’t it have a least been Smith, or Jones, or Johnson? Why did it have to be Noe? Seriously, have you ever even heard the name Noe? Is it possible for two people with the last name Noe NOT to be related? (Oh, did I mention this was in East Tennessee? I think second cousins can still get married there!)
I had had enough! Talk about TMI! It was now clear to me that you wouldn’t be able to see your reflection in my family’s gene pool for all the shit floating in it! Thank God I only had two kids. Then again, maybe it’s a good thing I didn’t know all of this BEFORE I had them.
Posted by: pamblizzard on: April 28, 2010
Let’s start with “Time-out.” What is it really. Well, let’s see:
1. It’s a way to take a child away from something that is getting them into trouble.
2. It teaches a child that not being able to do something is bad.
3. It makes a child angry and then forces them to suppress that anger in order to “get released.”
4. It teaches a child that getting caught being bad can be inconvenient.
So, to recap, time-out will teach a child:
1. That being ”bad” can get you removed from the situation that caused you to be bad.
2. Boredom is punishment.
3. Don’t get angry, and if you do don’t “show” it.
and finally,
4. (I’m just going to repeat above’s #4,) Being bad and getting caught can be inconvenient.
It’s no wonder there are kids out there today who aren’t afraid of being “bad.” Imagine if adults were given time-out:
1. If you beat someone up, you might be told to go home and think about what you’d done.
2. If you got caught speeding, you might have to park your car on the side of the road and sit in it for 30 minutes. (Yes, I know that time-out should never be 30 minutes, but we’re talking adults here.)
3. If you got caught stealing from a store, you might lose the right to go into the store for the rest of the day. (Once again, you must remember that we’re talking about adults here not kids. It would just be too cruel to put a kid in time-out for a day!)
4. Oh, and I really like this one. If you’re at your job and you don’t do the work, you might be forced to sit out and do nothing until you’re ready to do what you’re getting paid for.
Our biggest job as adults with children is to prepare those children for the real world. If an adult is caught doing something bad, they’re not put into time-out, unless you consider jail a time-out. Ok, maybe jail is the epitome of time-out but personally, I’d be terrified to go to jail, and I really don’t believe that children are terrified of being put into time-out. That’s the thing. As adults, we typically behave appropriately because we learn to be afraid of the consequences if we’re not.
If we get caught speeding, we are ticketed and our pocket books suffer thus we suffer. If we beat someone up we can be put in jail and have everything taken away from us. If we steal, we can be put in jail. If we don’t do the work we’re suppose to do at our job, we can be fired. Adult consequences for being bad are cause for fear, they’re not inconvenient.
That brings me to spanking. Now, I’m not talking about beating a child. An adult who is going to beat a child will beat them whether society says spanking is politically correct or not. No, I’m talking about the average parent who wants their child to grow up understanding that being bad can hurt you. I was probably spanked 3 or 4 times as a child. I can remember my mother catching me doing something I wasn’t suppose to do and, not warning me, but telling me that when my dad got home I’d get a spanking. Let me tell you, I remember how that felt. The waiting was probably worse than the spanking. I remember that feeling today at 52, like it was yesterday. And, it wasn’t a feeling of anger, it was fear. The same type of fear I feel today of getting a ticket, going to jail, or losing a job.
I’m not saying that time-outs aren’t sometimes useful. What I am saying is that sometimes it’s not enough. Why shouldn’t a child be afraid to do something bad? For adults, that’s just a life lesson that better be learned before they do something bad and really suffer consequences.
Finally, I’ve worked with kids who believe that getting sent to ISS in school is almost a badge of honor. It shows their toughness, a kid coming out of the principal’s office crying doesn’t seem so tough. I’ve even heard kids talk about going to jail as if it’s a right of passage. They act like going to jail is something to anticipate, not fear. Sometimes fear is necessary in order to live successfully in our society.
What do you think?
Posted by: pamblizzard on: March 4, 2010
Sea World has been the recipient of angry animal rights activist outcries since the death of one of their veteran animal trainers last week. Dawn Brancheau’s death is a tragedy, but her life was extraordinary. She had the privilege to work with some of the most amazing, misunderstood, animals in the world, the killer whale. Very few of us get that chance but Dawn, and her fellow trainers, have, and in doing so, they’ve allowed the rest of us to see just how special these animals are.
I do not believe that wild animals should be captured and taken away from their natural environment unless it is critical for the animal’s health. Fortunately, that is something Sea World refuses to do. The animals there are ones who would have a difficult time living in the wild. These are smart animals. They obviously learn from their environment. They adjust their behavior in a way that is in their own best interest, similar to domesticated animals. You wouldn’t abandon your pet dog in the woods just because dogs can survive in the wild. That would be cruel to the animal who hasn’t learned the skills needed to survive like that. The same applies to the trained animals at Sea World. This goes for the baby orcas born in captivity too. They learn from the adults around them. This seems obvious since the babies stay with their mothers for so long in the wild. The babies born in captivity would probably have a very difficult time surviving alone. Because of this, Sea World it seems, really has no choice but to protect the animals they already have by keeping them.
The trained animals that Sea World keeps not only survive, they become ambassadors for their species. When I see a show at Sea World, I don’t sit there and think about how amazing the trainers are. Instead, I think about how wonderful the animals are. Seeing the animals there makes me, and hopefully thousands of others, appreciate them in the wild. I go boating all the time. If a dolphin, or manatee approaches our boat, I’m more conscious about their welfare and will slow down and not approach them. If I see trash floating in the water, I scoop it up so that an animal won’t get caught up in it or eat it by mistake. The respect I feel for these animals has only been amplified by what I’ve seen at Sea World.
Finally, I live in Florida, and there are hundreds of instances where sea animals are injured in the wild and beach themselves. Sea World is almost always mentioned as one of the rescuers of these animals. They rehabilitate and return them to the wild whenever it’s possible. Many of the rescued animals are ones who have been injured as a direct result of something humans have done. They’ve gotten caught up in abandon fishing nets and lines. They’ve lost their food source due to over fishing. They’ve been run over by a speeding boat. Just recently a young dolphin had to be rescued because it got hung up in plastic thrown in the water. When I pay for my Sea World ticket, I honestly believe that I am contributing to the rescue of these animals. Sure, I get to see some shows, but I’m also learning to do my part in the effort to protect some amazing creatures. Not because I have to, but because Sea World has helped to make me want to.
What do you think? Is Sea World right in using their Orca’s?